Overview of Myself

12 June 2019, around 1:40am

First blog post. I created this damn thing because I love to write stories when I'm on stims on pen and paper, and due to the magic of desoxyephedrine (you chemistry nerds out there, yea), they are often good enough to keep. Unfortunately, over time many get lost inevitably during the course of one of my frequent drunken stupors, so provided I remember my login data, this should rectify that problem. I also like the fact that the site would preserve my writings if something where to happen to me, be it death, hospitalisation, or what have you.

My name is 11killister11, and I am an unfortunate inhabitant of a rural Southeastern United States backwater. The landscape and privacy are very enjoyable, but unfortunately politically the American South is pretty much the antithesis of everything I stand for. I self identify as a Liberal with Libertarian leanings, being for the legalisation of all drugs, opposing use of the Armed forces for anything other than defense from imminent attack,  am obviously pro-Bernie Sanders in the upcoming 2020 U.S. presidential election, and so on. I am diagnosed with High functioning Autism (Asperger syndrome), which I am both proud of and interested in. My younger brother is also diagnosed Autistic. I enjoy reading about history, particularly the rise, peak, and decline of the Roman Empire, from its formation from the Roman Republic around 27 BC with its first Emperor, Augustus, all the way through the Fall of Constantinople and end of the surviving Eastern Roman (Byzantine) Empire on 29 May 1453 during the reign of Constantine XI Palaigolos, the last Emperor. Having been formed in 27 BC, the Empire originally consisted of 2 United halves with large territorial holdings in Europe, Asia, and Africa. It was divided into Western and Eastern provinces, to better administer the vast territory. The Western Roman Empire collapsed in AD 476, and was formally dissolved in AD 480. The Eastern Roman Empire survived and continued to function for an additional thousand years until it fell to the Ottoman Turks in 1453, as mentioned earlier. I will probably make a post exclusive to the subject of the Empire sometime soon, this is meant to be a general overview or introduction to myself.

As far as my gender and sexuality go, I self-identify as an effeminate bisexual male. While I commonly get mistaken for a trans-woman due to my preference for a girlish look (i.e. dressing in women's clothes roughly 60% of the time, preferring long hair), as far as I can tell I do not consider myself trans, though some may see it as open to interpretation. I didn't come out to my immediate family until my early 20s, around 2015-ish. Since Elementary school, I experienced attraction to both sexes, though for years I tried to suppress feelings for other boys when it occured. At the time I was very much still in a state of nervous denial, having not even came out to myself yet, if that makes any sense. Around 5th grade, in the small hours of the morning making doubly sure everyone was asleep, I started sneaking into my mother's cosmetics and picking out my favourite coloured nail polish and putting it on, sometimes wearing lipstick as well, all the while feeling a deep sense of shame for who I was. I grew up in the American South, and homophobia was still very much the order of the day, especially then (circa 2005), and still now to a slightly lesser extent. After spending a few hours with myself  "girled up", I would go to ridiculous lengths to hide my activities, using tons of nail polish remover (way more than needed) and scrubbing makeup off with a painful wire brush. Aftreer that, I put everything back as carefully and quietly as possible, then sprayed ludicrous amounts of febreze and other air fresheners, praying that no one would get up ay the time or smell traces of nail polish later. Looking back, I see fully how ridiculous and over the top this was, but at the time it was literally my worst fear, a product of the culture I was raised in. In 2011, I left high school and slowly started accepting myself over the next few years until finally, around 2014-15, aged 21, I came out to my mother. I remember it feeling so good, endorphin rush good, but it was still just a start. It wouldn't be until late 2017 that I started openly cross dressing at home, and in Fall 2018, finally, openly in public.